Intentions

Today, the phrase ‘live in the present’ means waking up to dress for work, snaking our way into crowded train stations, working our ass off all day to earn money, hurrying home to sleep off the exhaustion.  And before we even know it, another day has passed and then another and I wonder if we even wonder where were those hours spent.  Everyday, we follow stringently a routine that sometimes we even forget that we ever did a particular act that is part of that routine.  Have you ever experienced not remembering brushing your teeth even if you actually brushed before leaving the house? Well probably you were brushing while reading the newspapers, or washing the dishes, or doing something that made your brain forget that you were actually brushing your teeth.  This happens all the time when you get caught in the bedlam of the ‘present’.  When I get too immersed in my studies and school life, I usually feel tired but restless and I would know that something is off the balance.  It’s as if my soul is screaming for me to quench its thirst for silence and mystic knowledge.  Though I would love to have respite or do wiccan rituals instead for they are a great way of emotional and spiritual cleansing, sometimes it is impossible to escape the inexorable pressure in medical school.  But then I would pause and still my mind, drift away from textbooks and handouts, close my eyes and breathe deeply and envision myself in blackness or in the center of the wide kaleidoscopic universe.  When I get back to reality, I would usually feel better and refreshed.  The trick is being aware, having that consciousness that would shaken you when you are too absorbed in your earthly life.  Since I cannot often do elaborate rituals for many reasons, I have developed this habit of ‘shifting my consciousness’ while doing my daily routine.  I suggest you try it too, you’ll lose nothing.  Every time i feel like the mundanity of daily living is taking over and I hear that portentous voice behind my head telling me to do something or else I’ll drown, I would nudge myself, though difficult, into being conscious of every thing I do in my routine.  I put my mind into every action so I am aware of what I am doing, what I am holding in my hand.  This may sound and feel insane at first, even awkward, so its okay to laugh at yourself but don’t stop, just do it anyway.  For example, when waking up in the morning, don’t get up right away.  First, get the feel of where you are, feel the sun’s warmth on your face or listen to your surroundings stirring to the call of the dawn.  Smile and be thankful for the chance to live another day.  When brushing your teeth, be aware of the bristles brushing against your gums and teeth, direct your energy into your toothbrush somehow like telling it or commanding it to clean your teeth to keep them healthy. When eating (our favorite chore), try to do it slowly and focus on the flavors and textures playing in your mouth.  Close your eyes while chewing and imagine how the food has reached your table.  From a grain beneath the ground it had touched the fertile energy of the earth and then it received the sun’s heat.  It was nourished by the four elements, earth, water, fire and air, and was cared and loved by the hands of the farmers who grew it.  Be thankful to them and the elements and as you swallow and digest your food imagine your body receiving the same nourishment and care and love as received by the grain. You’ll feel more satiated with every spoon  if you do this. Even in a simple task such as washing your face or bathing your body, imagine the water glowing and cleansing your skin and spirit.  The element of Water is well known for its cleansing properties in mystic traditions, use it to rid of your physical dirt and also of your negative emotions.  As you practice this to yourself, you can also send your positive vibes to others.  When giving something to a friend or a beggar for example, hold your gift and imagine it surrounded by white light and say aloud or on your mind a positive feeling you would like to wish for that person.  Be sure that you feel positive yourself before sending out the energy and say something like ‘May this food nourish your body’ when giving a sandwich to a street child or ‘May you always be surrounded with love’ when giving a necklace to a friend.  By this means, you are ‘blessing’ that person and though it might not be obvious you are actually sending some positive energy into that person’s life and adding to yours.  This may sound weird or preposterous but you are actually doing what we call ‘magick’ without realizing it (just like blowing candles on birthday cakes after a wish, a very ancient candle magick), for you are  already dealing with energies around you. Be reminded though:  1. Every action, every uttered word, every unspoken thought is still energy and so it can affect your surroundings; 2. Don’t send negative energy intended to harm anyone, it’s not blessing anymore it’s cursing;  3.  Work with the natural forces around you to magnify the effects of your energy.  During waxing moon, use your energy to build, to nourish, to complete, to flourish.  During waning moon, put your intentions into banishing the negative, closing old wounds, ridding yourself of a bad habit, or ending something.  For example when washing in a waxing moon imagine the water rejuvenating every cell of your body and imagine it taking away all the dirt and negative emotions if in a waning moon.   Being mindful of everything you do fills your life with meaning and you will start to appreciate simple things in life that money could not buy.  Go and live using all your senses, feeling the energies that flow around and within your body and tap into the Universal force to your own advantage!

I bless you and may you use the power of your intentions wisely!  🙂

*image from google

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Miserable At Best

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I assure you the words that follow are not the lyrics of a popular song.

I don’t understand why it took me so long to accept to myself that I’m indeed miserable.  At the age of 22, I am expected to be having the time of my life– partying with friends, earning money to stabilize myself, meeting lots of people so I can widen my social circle, traveling to distant places with family, kissing a boyfriend who could potentially be a husband–except that I am not in any of these situations.  I don’t know why but I just seem so disconnected with the world around me.  I am like a princess imprisoned by my wicked stepmother in a far away tower or the sole survivor of a plane crash in an uninhabited island.  I just feel so alone.  I’m a stranger who thinks about the strangeness of the people and the world around her.  They say no man is an island, but I’m starting to disagree with that.  Some antisocial individuals are at least lucky to have their families, maybe that’s why they don’t need much social support.  I have a family, but I never had the feel of it.  I know each family has its own weakness, there is never a perfect one.  But what I miss is the sharing, the closeness between siblings, the proper guidance of a parent.  I feel like we are just so passive, there was never warmth and openness unlike in other homes I’ve been to.  And for friends? I have acquaintances, lots of them, and also a few people whom I call friends– my lunch buddies at school, my little clique when I was in college, my group mates in hospital duties, guys I have a good laugh with– but nobody particularly close.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my groups but there’s just something lacking in them.  I just feel like we haven’t really shared our whole selves, just the part of us that is easy to see, just the part we want other people to see. And I am looking for something deeper, more of a best friend who could almost be as close as a sister or brother, perhaps more.  And there were a few persons whom I thought I have built this kind of relationship with, but turned out I was wrong.  In the end, they all left.  People come and go, and based on experience, they really do.  Sometimes too fast, sometimes insidiously, sometimes inevitably, like grains of sand that just slip through your fingers no matter how you hold on to them.  And some people foolishly let go of good friends when they find someone who could be their every thing.  And sadly for me, I am that good friend.  Unfortunately for me too, given the fact I don’t have so much friends of my own,  I haven’t found that someone too. Twenty two years yet I have never been intimate with anybody–never even had my first kiss (thank god I’m anonymous!). Truth is I don’t know why.  I’m not ugly, I know that. But surely aesthetics is not the only reason people fall in love. I have never been in love.  Well, as my teacher once put it, I have fallen with the idea of love.  But I learned my lesson from that, and i learned to be patient.  I have waited, been waiting for that person whom I can emotionally connect with but nobody seems to fit me.  I am not in rush, whether my knight in shining armor comes or not I’m gonna live my life as I’ve promised myself before.  But it got me wondering, perhaps there’s something wrong with me too.  Do I push people away? Am I wearing a ‘keep off’ sign on my forehead? Beats me.  All I ever wanted is to meet someone with whom I can share everything, who knows me in and out and still accepts me and loves me for what I really am and for whom I will do the same. What do they call it?hmm soulmate? Yeah, I’ve been a hopeless romantic all my life but I can’t seem to find him I’m starting to think I’ve been nothing but a hopeless lunatic! Sure, my ideas and outlook in life may be atypical or unconventional but I don’t believe there’s no one like me..there’s got to be someone for me out there. As a kid, I’ve had always believed in happily ever afters but now that I’m an adult I’m not quite so sure.  I really want to believe in it badly, to assure myself that waiting for the right man has been the right thing to do after all.  Now, I really have no idea. What I’m sure of is that everything that has happened and is happening in my life is meant to be, it’s part of my journey as an individual. Every experience is integral for each lesson learned is a force that moves my soul forward in its evolution. Some paths are meant to be traveled alone. People may come but some are never meant to stay.   As for my soulmate, we will meet if we are destined to. I don’t know what the future has in store for me and brooding over matters that I do not have the answers is a waste of time. Perhaps I’ll just shrug this off and to hell with all these negativities! I’ll just wake up and face tomorrow with a broad sweet smile thanking the universe for every bit of life around me. Whatever it is I’m being miserable about, I know everything will turn around and fall in its proper place. I trust the Universe, I always do, that no matter where the tides bring me it will always be to a better place than before.

(Guess I’m not that miserable after all! :D)

*credits to google for the images

Little Dream Book

Little Dream Book

This is my first ‘dream book.’ I knew it was meant for me; it was the only copy in the shelf. Bought it right away. May it start my journey in another mystic art, like another ray of the sun going back towards its center, the divine truth. May the gods speak with me in my sleep..through dreams and visions whose meanings I will learn to deduce starting with this book. So mote it be! Thank you, Universe! I am in gratitude, as always.

The Moral Cost of Travel

This blog rekindled my yearning for travel. It has always been a dream– to travel, to experience, to learn. And one day, when Im ready, Im gonna tread these deep forlorn waters. One day, im gonna go beyond the horizon.

Cody Delistraty

It was in Paradise Lost that John Milton introduced the notion that Adam and Eve ate an apple from the Tree of Knowledge (thus explaining why your “knowledgeable” elementary school teachers may have had the infamous symbol sitting on their desks).The writers of Genesis left the forbidden fruit unspecified, but scholars have since claimed it could have been a grape, possibly a fig, even a pomegranate. Whatever it was exactly, the first Biblical book is clear that its consumption is the ultimate sin — and ever since the Western world has equated knowledge with a loss of innocence. Banned from Eden, the original sinners were also the original knowledge seekers, and the idea that understanding means corruption is widespread — oft-seen in dubiously well-known phrases like “Ignorance is bliss.”

Throughout history, innocence has been lost when new knowledge is gained, and the most common way for that to happen is by…

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Beltaine

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Tonight is May Eve, celebrated by pagans as Beltaine/Beltane which means ‘Bright Fire’.  This feast celebrates the coming of summer, when the flowers are in full bloom, the pastures ever greener and nature shows off its colorful sheen.  In mystic tradition, Beltane signifies the coming of the Sun God to maturity to court the Spring Goddess who now becomes the May Queen.  Thus this sabbat is strongly associated with fertility, growth and change.  In the old times, people used to celebrate in the woods and it was a time of sexual licence, where they may have intercourse with their lovers. One famous tradition that is practiced up to the present is the maypole dance, where maidens wrap colorful ribbons as they dance around the pole, a phallic representation.  Games and plays also symbolically reenacted the mythos of two gods representing winter and summer, fighting over a maiden.   It was also believed that Beltane is a magical time, where the veil between the mortal and the faery otherworld is thin.  Sacred Beltane fires were also set ablaze, as the cattle were driven between two bonfires as a sign of purification and blessing. 

bonfire beltane

Since I chose a solitary path, I honor this sacred sabbat by turning my thoughts inward.  A time of introspection.  A time to ask myself, what have you done to make yourself better? During the sabbat of Imbolc (feb 2), seeds were planted in my soul– the seeds of love, beauty and compassion.  And now it is time to take actions, to nurture these seeds deep within me so they may grow to become part of me, part of my nature.  I have acknowledged my selfishness, my loneliness, my self pity, my insecurities, my being egoistic and proud, my apathy and my indolence.  And as the Beltane’s fire burn, I rid myself of all these negativities,only to arise as a better version of myself.  May it give warmth to my spirit, stir it to action to generate the power needed to attain my goals.  The soil is now fertile for the seeds’ growth, so as my soul is now ready to act towards the manifestation of my desires.  As I continue this journey of life, despite adversaries, may I always emerge stronger and wiser and ever to the liking of the divine. So mote it be.

Have a blessed Beltane everyone!

 

 

Images from:  

http://shamanaflora.com/2013/04/01/plant-medicine-earth-cycles-beltaine-e-lesson-and-plant-reading/

 

 

 

 

 

 

Facts in fiction

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I guess some hard facts can be found in fiction. Ive just finished reading this book entitled ‘The Princes of Ireland’. Its a historical novel about the evolution of Ireland from its pagan ancestry to St. Patrick’s arrival and up to its current state. Its a long tale to read but you get a lot from it.

Drawing Down the Blood Moon

Drawing Down the Blood Moon

I painted this after the lunar eclipse last tuesday. Drawing down the moon is a special rite used by witches of old and even now, to ‘draw down’ the power of the moon to be used for a magickal work. I painted this in honor of the moon. I was locked up in the house at the time of eclipse due to heavy rain and this is where I imagined I wanna be at that time. Im not much of a painter but I like doing it because it takes full attention to do it. Its a subtle meditation, you focus on the ‘now’, the present moment everytime you paint. And its that feeling of being aware, and of the spontaneity of the act which give me satisfaction. The outcome?It may not be a work of art, but its a work of love for sure.

Getting More Than Expected on Valentine’s Day– Its more than just Love

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It was valentines day and everyone was getting ready for his/her dinner date except me.  As usual, I was to spend the night alone so to avoid any unwanted negative feelings (meaning, feeling lonely) i decided to sulk in my room, my comfort zone, and watch a movie in my laptop while eating my fave dark chocolates.  I was on my hopeless romantic mode so i wanted to select a romantic comedy among the short list of my movie collection most of which i have watched more than once so I chose a Bollywood (Indian) film which I haven’t seen yet despite being in my collection for almost a year.  It was entitled “Mr. Perfect” and to be honest, I didn’t like the film on first impression.  BUT that all changed after I’ve watched it for about 2 and a half hours– its now one of my favorites!  I thought i was in for the usual love stories where boy meets girl,they fall in love and live happily ever after but i got more!

Im not sure if sharing with you the story would be a great idea for i might spoil it, but I’ll do it anyway.  Its about this young man Vicky who is so egoistic, self centered and never goes out of his way for others, not even his parents.  He always gets what he wants and in pursuit of his dreams, he has hurt others along the way but doesn’t care.  His father has arranged someone for him to marry, a childhood friend, Priya, whom he used to dislike.  Unlike him, she is generous, understanding, and has a good heart but she also dislikes him.   Upon meeting after so many years, they try to make each other’s lives miserable but end up liking each other.  When they are about to be engaged, Vicky refuses despite their mutual feelings and goes back to Australia.  There he meets another Indian girl who thinks like him– strong willed, competitive and stubborn.  He falls in love and asks for her hand from her father who happens to be one of those people whom he has had a conflict with.  Since the father does not approve of their engagement, they have agreed on a challenge for Vicky  to attend a family marriage ceremony in which he has to impress and convince all of the people there that he is indeed worthy of the girl.  The father would ask 4 people randomly, should any one of them think of him unworthy, he should walk away forever.  Unexpectedly, Priya is also a guest at the wedding and as Vicky stays and tries to win the challenge with her help, he gradually transforms into another man who is able to change everything around him.  As for the outcome of his love story, you have to see for yourself.

What caught me is not the love story but rather the subtle spiritual teachings implicated all throughout the movie.  Aside from the great entertainment of their dancing and singing plus a straight forward comedy which I enjoyed so much, at the core of the movie are the great teachings of the Hindu religion which were passed down since time immemorial: the transcendence beyond one’s ego, the awakening of the consciousness within us, the happiness in sacrificing for our neighbors, the satisfaction from doing good to others instead for our own gain,  the importance of stillness, stopping once in a while to live in the present moment despite the fuss of the modern world and the love that is free of any expectations, as unconditional as  the gods love us.  These are all incorporated in the movie ingeniously without making it boring or uninteresting.  Also, it amazes that even in these modern days, Bollywood movie makers and writers still inject the richness of the Indian culture in their films, a practice which has long been obsolete in the movie industry of the west.  Most movies now a days are trash, ordinary and unstimulating.  They are dictated by what the crowd wants, not by what they need to be shown.  Movies now become just a mere lucrative business and here, the true purpose of media is lost.  Upon watching this movie, truly the Indians have earned my respect.  I am looking forward to watching more Bollywood films, from which Im sure I could gain more spiritual insights that would help me become a better person.  Movies should not only be for the satisfaction of the flesh but also of the spirit.  Namaste. _/I\_

Hector, the Stranger

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Dear Hector,

I am thinking of you again, for the nth time

I don’t know how or why you.

There’s just something in you I cannot fully grasp

But it consumes me, it devours me completely.

And no matter how I try, I just cannot escape

I am totally bound to this feeling.

I like you. I want you. I desire you. Though I don’t know you.

I hunger for your presence.

Though we don’t talk, not a word not a glance

But just seeing you from afar makes me happy

And close encounters with you even make me elated.

How could you brighten up my day without doing anything?

You evoke in me something I could not comprehend myself.

You’re like my personal norepinephrine,

A potent stimulus for my sympathetics.

Being near you electrifies me.

You make my nerves go berserk.

You’re just this spark that ignites me

The fire, the passion, the vitality that have long been dormant inside.

You have stirred my deep seated emotions, something that has never happened before.

you have awakened me from hibernation and stowed me away  from my stoic ways.

You made me want something I could not have–you.

You have bared me–stripped me off my tough facade

And now I am left with nothing but these raw emotions.

You have rendered me  onto this vulnerability I so despise.

You made me confused, and so i am tormented by my own confusion.

Whether to fight or recognize this feeling-either way I still would lose.

For if I fight–i lose the chance of experiencing this forceful stream of emotions.

I may not be hurt but it would harden my heart

Making it impenetrable, stone cold, anesthesized from pain or bliss

Then it would forever be lifeless, a mere  pumping machine.

And if I choose to recognize this liking to you who is a total stranger,

I now put my heart into the hands of someone who may crush it into pieces.

Chances are this passion would be left unrequited and I would become miserable

For how could someone like you notice such a nonexistent being like me? 

But now I come to terms with myself.

I acknowledge that I like you, so much that I find it hilarious at times

You, who is a stranger; you, who has never noticed me.

But I will no longer deny it, for there is no point of doing so.

Nor will I declare my devotion, for there is no point of doing so too.

Though I know you may never reciprocate my warm feelings,

I choose not to be miserable.

Instead, I choose to be happy.

Happy because I am able to feel these strange emotions

These sensations that remind me I am human.

Happy because I am alive,

Alive to see you, to admire and perhaps later on even love you.

Happy to know that I am not as selfish and self contained as I thought

For I am capable of liking somebody else besides myself.

And to you, hector, the stranger, I owe my happiness.

And for this, I thank you.

 

SOLITUDE

Solitude

 

 
I miss being alone.
I miss the silence–the time when my heart is free to speak.
I miss the stillness– when time seems to not exist.
I miss contemplating on things around me — the flower, the trees, the sky, the wind.
I miss sensing the vibrations of the earth–being in tune with its cycle of death and rebirth.
I miss the whispering wind which blows from places I’ve never been to.
I miss the conversations going on my mind–me, myself and the universe.
I miss the deep thoughts–just making sense of almost everything.
I miss the everyday meditation– the journey into unknown, into my core and the universe’s.
I miss the midnight rituals–held in celebration and worship.
I miss the knowledge and the happiness and fulfillment that comes with knowing.
I miss being egoless– letting go of my identity to become one with anything and everything.
I miss the divine– the majestic force that dwells within each creature and entity.
I simply miss myself.