Hector, the Stranger

original

Dear Hector,

I am thinking of you again, for the nth time

I don’t know how or why you.

There’s just something in you I cannot fully grasp

But it consumes me, it devours me completely.

And no matter how I try, I just cannot escape

I am totally bound to this feeling.

I like you. I want you. I desire you. Though I don’t know you.

I hunger for your presence.

Though we don’t talk, not a word not a glance

But just seeing you from afar makes me happy

And close encounters with you even make me elated.

How could you brighten up my day without doing anything?

You evoke in me something I could not comprehend myself.

You’re like my personal norepinephrine,

A potent stimulus for my sympathetics.

Being near you electrifies me.

You make my nerves go berserk.

You’re just this spark that ignites me

The fire, the passion, the vitality that have long been dormant inside.

You have stirred my deep seated emotions, something that has never happened before.

you have awakened me from hibernation and stowed me away  from my stoic ways.

You made me want something I could not have–you.

You have bared me–stripped me off my tough facade

And now I am left with nothing but these raw emotions.

You have rendered me  onto this vulnerability I so despise.

You made me confused, and so i am tormented by my own confusion.

Whether to fight or recognize this feeling-either way I still would lose.

For if I fight–i lose the chance of experiencing this forceful stream of emotions.

I may not be hurt but it would harden my heart

Making it impenetrable, stone cold, anesthesized from pain or bliss

Then it would forever be lifeless, a mere  pumping machine.

And if I choose to recognize this liking to you who is a total stranger,

I now put my heart into the hands of someone who may crush it into pieces.

Chances are this passion would be left unrequited and I would become miserable

For how could someone like you notice such a nonexistent being like me? 

But now I come to terms with myself.

I acknowledge that I like you, so much that I find it hilarious at times

You, who is a stranger; you, who has never noticed me.

But I will no longer deny it, for there is no point of doing so.

Nor will I declare my devotion, for there is no point of doing so too.

Though I know you may never reciprocate my warm feelings,

I choose not to be miserable.

Instead, I choose to be happy.

Happy because I am able to feel these strange emotions

These sensations that remind me I am human.

Happy because I am alive,

Alive to see you, to admire and perhaps later on even love you.

Happy to know that I am not as selfish and self contained as I thought

For I am capable of liking somebody else besides myself.

And to you, hector, the stranger, I owe my happiness.

And for this, I thank you.

 

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About anonymouslybewitching

Me? I simply am. Like the world around me, like the universe, I am ever changing, ever flowing. I am limitless. I am infinite, indefinite. I am immeasurable and boundless because I am a part of the Universal soul, the divine. And so no word is enough to contain my existence. But let me give you a description of where I come from. I am 22 years old, a person trying to anonymously tell the world of her deeper thoughts and emotions which may never be understood in the world she's living in. I am a pagan living in the sole Christian country in Asia.  I am a pagan who strives to thrive in the medical field where people are convinced science is the only answer. I am a pagan living in a society where people are primitive, conservative, narrow minded and selfish. And this blog is a means of an outlet to my ideas which some may think silly, laughable or weird. However people may perceive me, i care less for what matters is I know myself. And Im looking forward to meet at least open minded people. You can email me at syhrmme@gmail.com :-)

Posted on February 15, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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