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Intentions

Today, the phrase ‘live in the present’ means waking up to dress for work, snaking our way into crowded train stations, working our ass off all day to earn money, hurrying home to sleep off the exhaustion.  And before we even know it, another day has passed and then another and I wonder if we even wonder where were those hours spent.  Everyday, we follow stringently a routine that sometimes we even forget that we ever did a particular act that is part of that routine.  Have you ever experienced not remembering brushing your teeth even if you actually brushed before leaving the house? Well probably you were brushing while reading the newspapers, or washing the dishes, or doing something that made your brain forget that you were actually brushing your teeth.  This happens all the time when you get caught in the bedlam of the ‘present’.  When I get too immersed in my studies and school life, I usually feel tired but restless and I would know that something is off the balance.  It’s as if my soul is screaming for me to quench its thirst for silence and mystic knowledge.  Though I would love to have respite or do wiccan rituals instead for they are a great way of emotional and spiritual cleansing, sometimes it is impossible to escape the inexorable pressure in medical school.  But then I would pause and still my mind, drift away from textbooks and handouts, close my eyes and breathe deeply and envision myself in blackness or in the center of the wide kaleidoscopic universe.  When I get back to reality, I would usually feel better and refreshed.  The trick is being aware, having that consciousness that would shaken you when you are too absorbed in your earthly life.  Since I cannot often do elaborate rituals for many reasons, I have developed this habit of ‘shifting my consciousness’ while doing my daily routine.  I suggest you try it too, you’ll lose nothing.  Every time i feel like the mundanity of daily living is taking over and I hear that portentous voice behind my head telling me to do something or else I’ll drown, I would nudge myself, though difficult, into being conscious of every thing I do in my routine.  I put my mind into every action so I am aware of what I am doing, what I am holding in my hand.  This may sound and feel insane at first, even awkward, so its okay to laugh at yourself but don’t stop, just do it anyway.  For example, when waking up in the morning, don’t get up right away.  First, get the feel of where you are, feel the sun’s warmth on your face or listen to your surroundings stirring to the call of the dawn.  Smile and be thankful for the chance to live another day.  When brushing your teeth, be aware of the bristles brushing against your gums and teeth, direct your energy into your toothbrush somehow like telling it or commanding it to clean your teeth to keep them healthy. When eating (our favorite chore), try to do it slowly and focus on the flavors and textures playing in your mouth.  Close your eyes while chewing and imagine how the food has reached your table.  From a grain beneath the ground it had touched the fertile energy of the earth and then it received the sun’s heat.  It was nourished by the four elements, earth, water, fire and air, and was cared and loved by the hands of the farmers who grew it.  Be thankful to them and the elements and as you swallow and digest your food imagine your body receiving the same nourishment and care and love as received by the grain. You’ll feel more satiated with every spoon  if you do this. Even in a simple task such as washing your face or bathing your body, imagine the water glowing and cleansing your skin and spirit.  The element of Water is well known for its cleansing properties in mystic traditions, use it to rid of your physical dirt and also of your negative emotions.  As you practice this to yourself, you can also send your positive vibes to others.  When giving something to a friend or a beggar for example, hold your gift and imagine it surrounded by white light and say aloud or on your mind a positive feeling you would like to wish for that person.  Be sure that you feel positive yourself before sending out the energy and say something like ‘May this food nourish your body’ when giving a sandwich to a street child or ‘May you always be surrounded with love’ when giving a necklace to a friend.  By this means, you are ‘blessing’ that person and though it might not be obvious you are actually sending some positive energy into that person’s life and adding to yours.  This may sound weird or preposterous but you are actually doing what we call ‘magick’ without realizing it (just like blowing candles on birthday cakes after a wish, a very ancient candle magick), for you are  already dealing with energies around you. Be reminded though:  1. Every action, every uttered word, every unspoken thought is still energy and so it can affect your surroundings; 2. Don’t send negative energy intended to harm anyone, it’s not blessing anymore it’s cursing;  3.  Work with the natural forces around you to magnify the effects of your energy.  During waxing moon, use your energy to build, to nourish, to complete, to flourish.  During waning moon, put your intentions into banishing the negative, closing old wounds, ridding yourself of a bad habit, or ending something.  For example when washing in a waxing moon imagine the water rejuvenating every cell of your body and imagine it taking away all the dirt and negative emotions if in a waning moon.   Being mindful of everything you do fills your life with meaning and you will start to appreciate simple things in life that money could not buy.  Go and live using all your senses, feeling the energies that flow around and within your body and tap into the Universal force to your own advantage!

I bless you and may you use the power of your intentions wisely!  🙂

*image from google

Miserable At Best

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I assure you the words that follow are not the lyrics of a popular song.

I don’t understand why it took me so long to accept to myself that I’m indeed miserable.  At the age of 22, I am expected to be having the time of my life– partying with friends, earning money to stabilize myself, meeting lots of people so I can widen my social circle, traveling to distant places with family, kissing a boyfriend who could potentially be a husband–except that I am not in any of these situations.  I don’t know why but I just seem so disconnected with the world around me.  I am like a princess imprisoned by my wicked stepmother in a far away tower or the sole survivor of a plane crash in an uninhabited island.  I just feel so alone.  I’m a stranger who thinks about the strangeness of the people and the world around her.  They say no man is an island, but I’m starting to disagree with that.  Some antisocial individuals are at least lucky to have their families, maybe that’s why they don’t need much social support.  I have a family, but I never had the feel of it.  I know each family has its own weakness, there is never a perfect one.  But what I miss is the sharing, the closeness between siblings, the proper guidance of a parent.  I feel like we are just so passive, there was never warmth and openness unlike in other homes I’ve been to.  And for friends? I have acquaintances, lots of them, and also a few people whom I call friends– my lunch buddies at school, my little clique when I was in college, my group mates in hospital duties, guys I have a good laugh with– but nobody particularly close.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my groups but there’s just something lacking in them.  I just feel like we haven’t really shared our whole selves, just the part of us that is easy to see, just the part we want other people to see. And I am looking for something deeper, more of a best friend who could almost be as close as a sister or brother, perhaps more.  And there were a few persons whom I thought I have built this kind of relationship with, but turned out I was wrong.  In the end, they all left.  People come and go, and based on experience, they really do.  Sometimes too fast, sometimes insidiously, sometimes inevitably, like grains of sand that just slip through your fingers no matter how you hold on to them.  And some people foolishly let go of good friends when they find someone who could be their every thing.  And sadly for me, I am that good friend.  Unfortunately for me too, given the fact I don’t have so much friends of my own,  I haven’t found that someone too. Twenty two years yet I have never been intimate with anybody–never even had my first kiss (thank god I’m anonymous!). Truth is I don’t know why.  I’m not ugly, I know that. But surely aesthetics is not the only reason people fall in love. I have never been in love.  Well, as my teacher once put it, I have fallen with the idea of love.  But I learned my lesson from that, and i learned to be patient.  I have waited, been waiting for that person whom I can emotionally connect with but nobody seems to fit me.  I am not in rush, whether my knight in shining armor comes or not I’m gonna live my life as I’ve promised myself before.  But it got me wondering, perhaps there’s something wrong with me too.  Do I push people away? Am I wearing a ‘keep off’ sign on my forehead? Beats me.  All I ever wanted is to meet someone with whom I can share everything, who knows me in and out and still accepts me and loves me for what I really am and for whom I will do the same. What do they call it?hmm soulmate? Yeah, I’ve been a hopeless romantic all my life but I can’t seem to find him I’m starting to think I’ve been nothing but a hopeless lunatic! Sure, my ideas and outlook in life may be atypical or unconventional but I don’t believe there’s no one like me..there’s got to be someone for me out there. As a kid, I’ve had always believed in happily ever afters but now that I’m an adult I’m not quite so sure.  I really want to believe in it badly, to assure myself that waiting for the right man has been the right thing to do after all.  Now, I really have no idea. What I’m sure of is that everything that has happened and is happening in my life is meant to be, it’s part of my journey as an individual. Every experience is integral for each lesson learned is a force that moves my soul forward in its evolution. Some paths are meant to be traveled alone. People may come but some are never meant to stay.   As for my soulmate, we will meet if we are destined to. I don’t know what the future has in store for me and brooding over matters that I do not have the answers is a waste of time. Perhaps I’ll just shrug this off and to hell with all these negativities! I’ll just wake up and face tomorrow with a broad sweet smile thanking the universe for every bit of life around me. Whatever it is I’m being miserable about, I know everything will turn around and fall in its proper place. I trust the Universe, I always do, that no matter where the tides bring me it will always be to a better place than before.

(Guess I’m not that miserable after all! :D)

*credits to google for the images